Unknown Diary

From Wiki Panic Room

1

He’s calling me again — calling Her. I cannot resist , she’s been waiting for too long. The beast was locked in a cage, the beast was hungry… That hunger is devouring me from the inside. It’s so hard to stop once you’ve tasted it. Even if you think it’s all in the past already…

2

Matt, why did you awaken your beast? He was asleep and it was better this way. And now… You should pray for him to leave you before he drives you mad. Pray to survive his hunger and bloody harvest.

Pray to forget… Or to not wake up.

It’s too horrible to live with a monster in your heart and be aware of what he’s doing.Мэтт, зачем ты пробудил своего? Он спал, так

3

He’s calling her, he wants her to be near. Two monsters, we could be happy together. To hunt by his side, to seek no other idols, to be strong, to be myself… I could allow myself to set the Huntress free again.

But I must stand my ground. If I lose control, if she breaks free… my own three deeds will pale in comparison.

4

He’s offering me a dream. I cannot reject it. I cannot… I am too tired of the necessity to forget a half of myself.

I am tired of worshipping someone else.

Tired of convincing myself that journey never happened. Years 1988-89 never happened. That there were no fires in the winter sky. And that in March 1989 there was no Witchbridge fog meeting me on the train’s stairs. That I wasn’t promising myself "just one more time, one last time, I’ve noticed her a long time ago…"

5

They think they’ve cornered us. Me! Ha. That smarty-pants always underestimated Elis. Did he really think that I would sit and wait, that we both would? Did he forget how big this house is?

They are guarding an empty burrow. And the fire is approaching from behind.

6

I am... Alice. I am Alice. Alice... I’m writing it here to not lose myself. I am Alice, Alice, Alice... I was born on the 31st of October! My father died when I was three! I killed my mother when I was twelve! I forgot about it when I was nineteen!

I am Alice. And I am also Elis.

7

I’ve convinced Matt to go out and get some food. Now I’m here on my own and I realize I’m scared. They need food. Since we’ve become the Puppeteer, two rolled into one, we should do our part fully and right until the end. Matt is grumbling, his Hunter doesn’t bother to let victims survive. He just wants to play with them.

Elis... She understands.

8

We’ve managed to create a great maniac. Right, Huntress? We propagate ourselves by gemmation... We share our own darkness with other people, normal people. You are creating new maniacs, Elis. You’ve made two of them, ifyou think about it. Matt’s been watching me back then, at the circus, and found that dark spark inside of him. John lost his family… I killed them. And he turned into a maniac, but it’s a wrong kind of maniac. He’s not one of us. He’s different.

9

Thanks to someone up above, there are no victims of mine here. I couldn’t have restrained myself with them around. But the fire… Fire and John Fall.

Why is the Huntress so nervous when I see you? You don’t look like her target.

It’s something deeper… Something scarier.

I want to understand it.

10

I’m sitting in front of the camera. John Fall is down there. Elis is grinning nastily. She’s happy to see his pain, his fears and weakness. Watching all this dulls her hunger a little bit… But then it comes back even stronger. She’s shouting out that he must die. That she must kill him because it’s her goal, her very essence.

11

Why do I have this in me? I know myself and I know her. Why does she want John Fall to die?

And I am afraid that soon I will not care where it comes from. I will just need to kill him. Otherwise… Otherwise something is going to happen.

I wish I knew what.

He trips at a completely smooth place, turns around. I can’t get my eyes off him. My lips curl into a grin, hands reach out for the microphone, for the trap-controlling lever — he’s standing right on the line of musket ‘s fire, that idiot!

It’s so

Hard to

Restrain

Myself!

12

The smarty-pants has noticed. He jumped, pushed the victim aside, knocking over. There’s a disappointed sigh — I’m not sure if it sounds inside of me or just next to me.

Matt laughs. He saw everything. "It’s boring to kill without purpose, Elis! Soon there will be something better, remember?"

Remembering? That’s a good idea.

13

I’m feeding off memories. Do you remember Salisbury? Yes, Ashen street, house by the river. Diazepam, Em’s red ribbons, gasoline. Your beautiful speech.

"You’ve been a very bad mother, Maria. You have stolen childhood from your own daughter, you’ve been getting drunk and yelled at her, you’ve let your husband beat her up. Your daughter didn’t get a single drop of care from you, instead you’ve been forcing her to work from her earliest years. But you will not make such a mistake again, you are not a mother anymore. Die, Maria."

14

And there’s a photo of her on the table. And a front-row seat, so important for a destitute alcoholic that just wanted to take a look at her runaway daughter…

She loved her, you pathetic idiot!

Elis, Elis, why have you been so blind? Why…

15

The trickster has started the game. He’s doing great, and the Huntress is luxuriating in his dark light, purring in pleasure. Playing along. He’s strong, he’s her equal. Maybe just a little more clumsy. Matthew, haven't your mother taught you not to play with food? She’s laughing. Hanging on the ivy that’s twining round the house to whistle when it becomes too dangerous. But they are all our puppets, our victims. They are hanging around the same room and don’t look out of the window. They’re used to playing by the rules, but we are creating the rules now!

16

Thirty five liters of blood from fourteen people, a basin of blood for one girl. "Do you need eternal youth, Matt? Then you’ll only need the blood of Jenny and John, others probably won’t do." That’s how Elis is joking. One minute she’s on my side, the next she’s on her own. That’s how it always has been, right from the childhood. But even she doesn’t need all their blood. Only the blood of John Fall…

17

It’s good that Matt has agreed to give them blood from the collector. It’s more fun that way, isn’t it? And more chances to survive.

But they won’t play with us anyway. I see how they exchange glances. Unless %(u_fname)s and my followers will really try to fill the chalice.

Jack is an idiot. We are not John! And if Elis doesn’t need his brother’s blood it doesn’t mean that Matt will not cut his throat for the foul play.

18

Господи, я не хочу! Oh my god, I don’t want to!

I. Do. Not. Want.

I have never stayed near victims.

I don’t want to harm him! He’s not a woman, not a mother, he never did…

It’s not that painful. I’ve burnt myself on my fans. It’s just a scar, nothing special.

I’m sorry, Jim.

19

Some pages are missing. I’m scared. Did Matt take them? If he reads my diary… Why did I start it at all? Or have I just forgotten those pages in the lair? The binder is old, they could have fallen out on their own. Where are they? Where?!

20

What scares me more — to be discovered or to lose myself? Matt, what have you done! I won’t be able to force her back in the cage again. I can’t forget that sweetness… Elis is not just killing, she’s bringing revenge. Revenge is the sweetest poison and just like poison it ruins my life. Again. I simply won’t be able to hold her back…

21

A song is running in my head, getting tangled in my thoughts. It spins me round and round, not letting go. Do you remember that song, Elis? Remember your lullaby?

Lily stole money from the piggy bank,

Betty didn’t buy a doll for a present,

Beatrice didn’t come back home at night...

Sally couldn’t keep her baby safe from harm,

Joanne oppressed the boy with her care,

Gilberet invited strangers in the house…

Ellie gave her daughter a mark,

Suzie left a baby in the street,

and Elis took vengeance on them all…

Elis took vengeance on them all...

I feel the beast in my soul is calming down. Yes, my little one, on them all. On every single one of them… Hush. Sleep. Don’t wake up…

22

Deep breathing. Matt is laughing, showing camera recordings: Jim with a burn of his back, me. Skirt wet from the spilled water, eyes shinning...

I’m glad the recording doesn’t show the trembling of my hands.

Almost.

It’s a test. He doesn’t trust me. Why? Doesn’t matter. Elis, baby, help.

23

I can almost see her. A flaming girl wearing leotard, fire in her eyes and hands, she is fire herself.

Elis, my dear.

How I’ve missed you.

How happy would I be to never see you again!

24

They will need a hint. Jim is bothering me with edifying conversations, just like he bothered John. He doesn’t understand that his trap is not the last. Elis is laughing of course, but his words are really helping to hold on. Why doesn’t he hate me?

25

Not long. Not long now! We all feel our hands trembling. Fear, anticipation — what a hotchpotch! The followers are marching right into our hands. Elis is wincing with disgust in advance — she would prefer fire, not electricity… But she smiles right away. She had hated the smarty-pants since the orphanage.

26

They got caught. There will be no hints — no time for that. Everything is simple. The smarty-pants will not pass the test, Elis has calculated everything perfectly. And Tan will pay for his mistakes.

This will be nice!


27

I never fought her. We were more than sisters, more than twins. When she takes control of the steering wheel it’s like a storm. Impossible to hold on.

(If Isami is dead) Would they’ve had a chance, if I was able to remain Alice?

(If Isami is alive)But they are alive. Matt will avenge Jim for this life.

28

I hate Bach.

Even I feel like howling when the Symphony №40 is making the house tremble.

And I’ve got enough sleep.

The Trickster is stuffing his ears with cotton wool and smiling. He’ll slumber a little more in a cocoon of blankets and then will go to set traps for the new prisoners.

He’s not a fool, not at all. And a good engineer, when it comes to traps.

When will they understand it at last?

1

He’s calling me again — calling Her. I cannot resist , she’s been waiting for too long. The beast was locked in a cage, the beast was hungry… That hunger is devouring me from the inside. It’s so hard to stop once you’ve tasted it. Even if you think it’s all in the past already…

2

Matt, why did you awaken your beast? He was asleep and it was better this way. And now… You should pray for him to leave you before he drives you mad. Pray to survive his hunger and bloody harvest.

Pray to forget… Or to not wake up.

It’s too horrible to live with a monster in your heart and be aware of what he’s doing.Мэтт, зачем ты пробудил своего? Он спал, так

3

He’s calling her, he wants her to be near. Two monsters, we could be happy together. To hunt by his side, to seek no other idols, to be strong, to be myself… I could allow myself to set the Huntress free again.

But I must stand my ground. If I lose control, if she breaks free… my own three deeds will pale in comparison.

4

He’s offering me a dream. I cannot reject it. I cannot… I am too tired of the necessity to forget a half of myself.

I am tired of worshipping someone else.

Tired of convincing myself that journey never happened. Years 1988-89 never happened. That there were no fires in the winter sky. And that in March 1989 there was no Witchbridge fog meeting me on the train’s stairs. That I wasn’t promising myself "just one more time, one last time, I’ve noticed her a long time ago…"

5

They think they’ve cornered us. Me! Ha. That smarty-pants always underestimated Elis. Did he really think that I would sit and wait, that we both would? Did he forget how big this house is?

They are guarding an empty burrow. And the fire is approaching from behind.

6

I am... Alice. I am Alice. Alice... I’m writing it here to not lose myself. I am Alice, Alice, Alice... I was born on the 31st of October! My father died when I was three! I killed my mother when I was twelve! I forgot about it when I was nineteen!

I am Alice. And I am also Elis.

7

I’ve convinced Matt to go out and get some food. Now I’m here on my own and I realize I’m scared. They need food. Since we’ve become the Puppeteer, two rolled into one, we should do our part fully and right until the end. Matt is grumbling, his Hunter doesn’t bother to let victims survive. He just wants to play with them.

Elis... She understands.

8

We’ve managed to create a great maniac. Right, Huntress? We propagate ourselves by gemmation... We share our own darkness with other people, normal people. You are creating new maniacs, Elis. You’ve made two of them, ifyou think about it. Matt’s been watching me back then, at the circus, and found that dark spark inside of him. John lost his family… I killed them. And he turned into a maniac, but it’s a wrong kind of maniac. He’s not one of us. He’s different.

9

Thanks to someone up above, there are no victims of mine here. I couldn’t have restrained myself with them around. But the fire… Fire and John Fall.

Why is the Huntress so nervous when I see you? You don’t look like her target.

It’s something deeper… Something scarier.

I want to understand it.

10

I’m sitting in front of the camera. John Fall is down there. Elis is grinning nastily. She’s happy to see his pain, his fears and weakness. Watching all this dulls her hunger a little bit… But then it comes back even stronger. She’s shouting out that he must die. That she must kill him because it’s her goal, her very essence.

11

Why do I have this in me? I know myself and I know her. Why does she want John Fall to die?

And I am afraid that soon I will not care where it comes from. I will just need to kill him. Otherwise… Otherwise something is going to happen.

I wish I knew what.

He trips at a completely smooth place, turns around. I can’t get my eyes off him. My lips curl into a grin, hands reach out for the microphone, for the trap-controlling lever — he’s standing right on the line of musket ‘s fire, that idiot!

It’s so

Hard to

Restrain

Myself!

12

The smarty-pants has noticed. He jumped, pushed the victim aside, knocking over. There’s a disappointed sigh — I’m not sure if it sounds inside of me or just next to me.

Matt laughs. He saw everything. "It’s boring to kill without purpose, Elis! Soon there will be something better, remember?"

Remembering? That’s a good idea.

13

I’m feeding off memories. Do you remember Salisbury? Yes, Ashen street, house by the river. Diazepam, Em’s red ribbons, gasoline. Your beautiful speech.

"You’ve been a very bad mother, Maria. You have stolen childhood from your own daughter, you’ve been getting drunk and yelled at her, you’ve let your husband beat her up. Your daughter didn’t get a single drop of care from you, instead you’ve been forcing her to work from her earliest years. But you will not make such a mistake again, you are not a mother anymore. Die, Maria."

14

And there’s a photo of her on the table. And a front-row seat, so important for a destitute alcoholic that just wanted to take a look at her runaway daughter…

She loved her, you pathetic idiot!

Elis, Elis, why have you been so blind? Why…

15

The trickster has started the game. He’s doing great, and the Huntress is luxuriating in his dark light, purring in pleasure. Playing along. He’s strong, he’s her equal. Maybe just a little more clumsy. Matthew, haven't your mother taught you not to play with food? She’s laughing. Hanging on the ivy that’s twining round the house to whistle when it becomes too dangerous. But they are all our puppets, our victims. They are hanging around the same room and don’t look out of the window. They’re used to playing by the rules, but we are creating the rules now!

16

Thirty five liters of blood from fourteen people, a basin of blood for one girl. "Do you need eternal youth, Matt? Then you’ll only need the blood of Jenny and John, others probably won’t do." That’s how Elis is joking. One minute she’s on my side, the next she’s on her own. That’s how it always has been, right from the childhood. But even she doesn’t need all their blood. Only the blood of John Fall…

17

It’s good that Matt has agreed to give them blood from the collector. It’s more fun that way, isn’t it? And more chances to survive.

But they won’t play with us anyway. I see how they exchange glances. Unless %(u_fname)s and my followers will really try to fill the chalice.

Jack is an idiot. We are not John! And if Elis doesn’t need his brother’s blood it doesn’t mean that Matt will not cut his throat for the foul play.

18

Господи, я не хочу! Oh my god, I don’t want to!

I. Do. Not. Want.

I have never stayed near victims.

I don’t want to harm him! He’s not a woman, not a mother, he never did…

It’s not that painful. I’ve burnt myself on my fans. It’s just a scar, nothing special.

I’m sorry, Jim.

19

Some pages are missing. I’m scared. Did Matt take them? If he reads my diary… Why did I start it at all? Or have I just forgotten those pages in the lair? The binder is old, they could have fallen out on their own. Where are they? Where?!

20

What scares me more — to be discovered or to lose myself? Matt, what have you done! I won’t be able to force her back in the cage again. I can’t forget that sweetness… Elis is not just killing, she’s bringing revenge. Revenge is the sweetest poison and just like poison it ruins my life. Again. I simply won’t be able to hold her back…

21

A song is running in my head, getting tangled in my thoughts. It spins me round and round, not letting go. Do you remember that song, Elis? Remember your lullaby?

Lily stole money from the piggy bank,

Betty didn’t buy a doll for a present,

Beatrice didn’t come back home at night...

Sally couldn’t keep her baby safe from harm,

Joanne oppressed the boy with her care,

Gilberet invited strangers in the house…

Ellie gave her daughter a mark,

Suzie left a baby in the street,

and Elis took vengeance on them all…

Elis took vengeance on them all...

I feel the beast in my soul is calming down. Yes, my little one, on them all. On every single one of them… Hush. Sleep. Don’t wake up…

22

Deep breathing. Matt is laughing, showing camera recordings: Jim with a burn of his back, me. Skirt wet from the spilled water, eyes shinning...

I’m glad the recording doesn’t show the trembling of my hands.

Almost.

It’s a test. He doesn’t trust me. Why? Doesn’t matter. Elis, baby, help.

23

I can almost see her. A flaming girl wearing leotard, fire in her eyes and hands, she is fire herself.

Elis, my dear.

How I’ve missed you.

How happy would I be to never see you again!

24

They will need a hint. Jim is bothering me with edifying conversations, just like he bothered John. He doesn’t understand that his trap is not the last. Elis is laughing of course, but his words are really helping to hold on. Why doesn’t he hate me?

25

Not long. Not long now! We all feel our hands trembling. Fear, anticipation — what a hotchpotch! The followers are marching right into our hands. Elis is wincing with disgust in advance — she would prefer fire, not electricity… But she smiles right away. She had hated the smarty-pants since the orphanage.

26

They got caught. There will be no hints — no time for that. Everything is simple. The smarty-pants will not pass the test, Elis has calculated everything perfectly. And Tan will pay for his mistakes.

This will be nice!


27

I never fought her. We were more than sisters, more than twins. When she takes control of the steering wheel it’s like a storm. Impossible to hold on.

(If Isami is dead) Would they’ve had a chance, if I was able to remain Alice?

(If Isami is alive)But they are alive. Matt will avenge Jim for this life.

28

I hate Bach.

Even I feel like howling when the Symphony №40 is making the house tremble.

And I’ve got enough sleep.

The Trickster is stuffing his ears with cotton wool and smiling. He’ll slumber a little more in a cocoon of blankets and then will go to set traps for the new prisoners.

He’s not a fool, not at all. And a good engineer, when it comes to traps.

When will they understand it at last?

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